October 26 - Sargas 25 and 26 of Sundara Kanda.
Sita, beset with extreme sorrow from the rakshasis' words and gestures, being constantly threatened by Ravana, seeing no hope of any kind of her redemption by Sri Rama, wallows in the blackest of black thoughts and decides to end her life.
***
सा त्वशोकस्य विपुलां शाखामालम्ब्य पुष्पिताम् ।
चिन्तयामास शोकेन भर्तारं भग्नमानसा ॥
"Sita leaned on a lush branch of the Ashoka tree full of blossoms, and sorrowfully thought about her husband, with her mind crushed by distress."
Her breasts were drenched in tears, she was shaking like a banana plant being uprooted by a storm, and was threatened by frighteningly ugly rakshasis. Sita was desperate. Her long hair billowed in the wind like a serpent. Sita thought about Sri Rama, Lakshmana, Kausalya, Sumitra.
***
लोकप्रवादः सत्योऽयं पण्डितैर्समुदाहृतः ।
अकाले दुर्लभो मृत्युः स्त्रिया वा पुरुषस्य वा ॥
यत्राहमाभिः क्रूराभी राक्षसीभिरहार्दिता ।
जीवामि हीना रामेण मुहूर्तमपि दुःखिता ॥
"Indeed, the wise ones quote a famous saying in this world which is so true. Either woman or man cannot meet with death unless the time has come. Otherwise, how is it possible that I have stayed alive even for an instant after separation from Sri Rama, despite all this torture by these cruel rakshasis?"
Sita says of herself that she is a blighted woman, with no Punya, destitute, and will only meet her final ruin like a boat overloaded and lost in a sea storm.
Sita says, "Oh, how blessed are those who are seeing Sri Rama, with his lotus eyes and his majestic gait like a lion's, and who is full of self-knowledge! I shall die from separation from him like someone who has drunk venom."
"What sins must have I committed in my past life to face this cruel fate?"
***
Sita is crying. Making loud sounds of sorrow, wallowing on the ground like a mare. She thinks that in her situation away from Sri Rama, nothing that normally attracts a woman, like wealth or ornaments, makes any sense for her.
"My heart must be made of stone to survive like this."
चरणेनापि सव्येन न स्पृशेयं निशाचरम् ।
रावणं किं पुनरहं कामयेयं विगर्हितम् ॥
"When I will not even touch that rakshasa Ravana, even with my left foot, where is the question of my loving that despicable one!?"
"Sri Rama is so wise, kind, and affectionate. That he has turned pitiless towards me now seems certain. He who destroyed fourteen thousand rakshasas single-handedly with so much ease in Janasthana has not come to save me! He can easily kill this Ravana, I know it because he killed that mighty rakshasa Viradha himself to protect me."
"No doubt this Lanka is in the middle of the ocean. But nothing can survive Sri Rama's arrows. How come Sri Rama has not come yet to my rescue? Alas, that Jataayu who tried hard to save me was injured mortally by Ravana. Would he have informed Sri Rama of what happened?"
"If Sri Rama knew I was held captive here in Lanka, he would dry up the ocean and burn down Lanka and erase the name and fame of this Ravana."
"Very soon, after Sri Rama and Lakshmana come here, Lanka will be destroyed and its women will constantly wail after losing their men in battle. There will be many funeral pyres and vultures will hover overhead looking for the bodies. I can see ill-omens for Lanka."
"Ravana threatens to eat me. I shall die before that. If only someone gives me poison right now!"
"Or perhaps, Sri Rama has died and gone to the world of Siddhas and gods! How lucky they are to see him!"
दृश्यमाने भवेत्प्रीतिः सौहार्दं नास्तयदृश्यतः ।
नाशयन्ति कृतघ्नास्तु न रामो नाशयिष्यति ॥
"It is true that love flourishes only when one is in sight. Affection evaporates when one is out of sight. But that applies to the disloyal and ungrateful beings. That is never true in the case of Sri Rama."
"How am I, considered to be a virtuous lady, come to this situation? Has the stock of my Punya diminished so much?"
"Have Sri Rama and Lakshmana become sannyasis? Blessed indeed are sannyasis who feel no attachment to pleasure or suffering. I salute them!"
"I shall give up my life, and end this confinement by Ravana."
***
॥ श्रीरामजयम् ॥
