March 13 - Sargas 46,47 and 48 of Uttara Kanda.
I am unable to write the blog just now as I am crying.
***
The night passed. A crestfallen Lakshmana asked Sumantra to get the royal chariot ready with fast horses with a special seat for Devi Sita whom Lakshmana was taking to the hermitages of holy ascetics. Sumantra complied and Lakshmana went to Sita.
त्वया किलैष नृपतिर्वरं वै याचितः प्रभुः नृपेण च प्रतिज्ञातमाज्ञप्तश्चाश्रमं प्रति
"Devi Sita, as you had requested the King, he has fulfilled your desire to proceed to the hermitages of ascetics today. I shall take you quickly to the hermitages situated on the banks of the holy Ganga. "
Sita was delighted and enthusiastically got ready, collecting precious jewels and clothes of various types.
इमानि मुनिपत्नीनां दास्याम्याभरणान्यहं वस्त्राणि च महार्हाणि धनानि विविधानि च
"Oh, Lakshmana, I shall give as gifts these jewels, fine garments, and gold, and other worthy gifts to the wives of the great sages!"
Soon, Lakshmana ensured they proceeded swiftly towards the forest.
Suddenly, Sita began to notice many ill-omens. "Oh Lakshmana, you who always bring good fortune, I am surprised by all these ill-omens. My right eye is horripilating and my body is involuntarily shaking. My mind is unwell. I am greatly worried! I do pray your brother is well. I pray that our mothers are all well. Let the people and all creatures of the land be well." Lakshmana, with his heart dried up in distress, stoically put up a calm face and acquiesced in Sita's prayer.
They spent the night in a hermitage on the bank of the Gomati, and next morning, Lakshmana told the charioteer they should proceed rapidly to the bank of the Ganga where Lakshmana would wet his hair with the holy water that Lord Shiva had worn in his locks. Soon Sita was comfortably escorted by Lakshmana and Sumantra to the bank of the Ganga.
Now Lakshmana began to weep uncontrollably. Sita was quite distressed to see him thus. "Dear Lakshmana, I am glad to come to the bank of the Ganga which has been my long-standing desire. But seeing you thus makes me very distressed! I can understand that having always been in Sri Rama's company, you must be missing him terribly these couple of days. But look at me! Sri Rama is more to me than my very life, but I am not crying! Ok. Let us quickly cross the Ganga, and after meeting the rishis, and handing over all these gifts, we shall spend just one night there and return at once to Ayodhya. "
ममापि पद्मपत्राक्षं सिम्होरस्कं कृशोदरम् ।
त्वरते हि मनो द्रष्टुं रामं रमयतां वरम् ॥
Devi Sita said, "Oh, Lakshmana, my heart also pines to see Sri Rama quickly, the one who has lotus eyes, a broad chest and a slender waist like the lion, the one supreme in giving delight to others!"
Lakshmana wiped his tears, and stoically again arranged with boatmen to set up a good boat to ferry them across the Ganga. He instructed Sumantra to rest at that spot until the boat returned.
Lakshmana made Sita board the boat first and took care that she was comfortable and safe as they crossed the mighty river.
Once they had crossed over, Lakshmana could not hold his tears back. He started weeping most agonisingly. He spoke haltingly.
"Oh Devi Sita, Videhanandini -the delighter of the people of Videha! The great lord Sri Rama has assigned me a most despicable task, and it pierces my heart. I wish I were dead. I have to do instead something that will be despised by the world.
"Oh, Devi, be merciful towards me! Please don't impute sin to me." Saying this, Lakshmana fell down to earth.
Sita saw a weeping, reverential, Lakshmana wishing to die! She spoke.
"What, Lakshmana, I don't understand anything! What has happened? Tell me! Is Sri Rama well!? I can see you are not yourself! I swear on Sri Rama, I am the queen of Ayodhya and I order you to tell me everything truthfully. What indeed is the matter!?"
Lakhmana could only blurt out haltingly. His head was bent low, and tears streamed down his face.
श्रुत्वा परिषदो मध्ये ह्यपवादं सुदारुणम् ।
पुरे जनपदे चैव त्वत्कृते जनकात्मजे ॥
रामः सन्तप्तहृदयो मां निवेद्य गृहं गतः ।
न तानि वचनीयानि मया देवि तवाग्रतः ॥
यानि राज्ञा हृदि न्यस्तान्यमर्षात्पृष्ठतः कृतः।
सा त्वं त्यक्ता नृपतिना निर्दोषा मम संनिधौ ॥
पौरापवादभीतेन ग्राह्यं देवि न चेऽन्यथा।
आश्रमान्तेषु च मया त्यक्तव्या त्वं भविष्यसि ॥
राज्ञः शासनमादाय तथैव किल दौहृदम् ।
"Oh, Devi Sita, the great daughter of King Janaka! In the royal council, Sri Rama heard heart-rending accusations about you being spoken by all citizens. Sri Rama was most anguished by that. He called me and told me details which I shall not share with you. I have even pushed them to the back of my mind. For these reasons, our Lord has decided to forsake you. We know how blemishless you are, I was always in your service close at hand. It is entirely, purely, out of the fear of public infamy that covers your name, that this has come about. In your pregnant state, you had also wished to go and stay in the hermitages on the Ganga. Therefore I have been ordered to leave you there and return. That is our Lord's order to me.
"Oh, Devi, these here are the delightful cottages of the great brahmarshis. They are sacred and give joy. Kindly grieve not, I beg you."
"Our father Dasharatha's great friend and the supreme rishi Valmiki lives here. Kindly seek the shelter of his feet and live comfortably in his care. You will be leading an ascetic life of austerity and meditation. Kindly bear in your heart pure and dedicated affection for your Lord, Sri Rama. That will augur well for all welfare in the future."
***
Devi Sita fell to the ground, struck by the utterly sorrowful import of Lakshmana's words. She managed to recover a short while later, and spoke these tear-drenched words.
मामिकेयं तनूर्नूनं सृष्टा दुःखाय लक्ष्मण ।
धात्रा यस्यास्तथा मेऽद्य दःखमूर्तिः प्रदृश्यते ॥
"Oh, Lakshmana, Brahma has created this body/being of mine only to experience suffering. That is amply clear to me now, as I can see myself the embodiment of tragedy. I wonder, what sins must I have committed in my past birth? Whom had I separated from her husband? Why did my lord, King Sri Rama, abandon me despite my pure and blemishless conduct?
पुराहमाश्रमे वासं रामपादानुवर्तिनी ।
अनुरुध्यापि सौमित्रे दःखे चपवर्तिनी ॥
"Lakshmana, in the past, I was living in a hermitage in the forest, with much difficulty. But I was at my lord's feet, and serving him, and so had no cause for sorrow. But look at me now!"
"I would, this instant, leap into the Ganga and end my misery. But that would end the Raghu lineage as I am pregnant and would heap more calumny on the family."
सा कथं ह्याश्रमे सौम्य वत्स्यामि विजनीकृता ।
आख्यास्यामि च कस्याहं दुःखं दुःखपरायणा ॥
किं नु वक्ष्यामि मुनिषु कर्म चासत्कृतं प्रभो ।
कस्मिन्वा कारणे त्यक्ता राघवेण महात्मना ॥
"Oh, Lakshmana, how shall I eke out my living in a hermitage in my condition away from my own people? With whom shall I share my distress and get relief? If the sages ask me what wrong did I do and why did the high-souled Sri Rama abandon me, what can be my answer?"
"Well, Lakshmana, do your duty as told. Leave me here to my wailing and go. But please hear this.
Please bow down to my mothers-in-law with reverence on my behalf. Place the head on my behalf at Sri Rama's feet and enquire of his welfare. Convey my sincere wishes to all the womenfolk in the palace. Tell this to Sri Rama: "
जानासि यथा शुद्धा सीता तत्त्वेन राघव ।
भक्त्या च परया युक्ता हिता च तव नित्यशः ॥
अहं त्यक्ता च मे वीर अयशोभीरुणा जने ।
यच्च ते वचनीयं स्यादपवादः समुत्थितः ।
मया च परिहर्त्वयं त्वं हि मे परमा गतिः ॥
"Oh, lord, you know me, this Sita, to be pure in actual fact. I hold the highest devotion to you and shall always be dedicated to your well-being. Dear Sri Rama, out of the fear of public ill-fame, I have been sent away by you. Whatever has been attributed to me by the people as a stigma needs to be cleared by me alone. Know this, Sri Rama, you are my ultimate refuge."
"Dear Lakshmana, please tell this also to Sri Rama. Let him, with the same affection and interest that he shows towards his close ones, deal with the people too. That will be his Dharma and augur well for permanent glory.
अहं तु नानुशोचामि स्वशरीरं नरर्षभ " I don't care much for the suffering of this body of mine. Sri Rama, do everything to avoid blame by the people. Anyway, the husband is a woman's only god, relative and guru. More important than one's own life is the husband's welfare and so that is a woman's priority. "
"Lakshmana, take a look at me, in my pregnancy, before you leave."
Lakshmana's grief burst all bounds. He fell to the ground near Sita's feet. He circumambulated her. He cried for some time and then spoke.
"Devi, what are you asking me to do? You know I have never looked at your person. I only know your feet that I have bowed down to everyday. How I can I raise my eyes to behold you now when Sri Rama is also not around?"
Lakshmana got on to the boat after circumambulating Sita again, and asked the boatman to leave.
Valmiki helps us visualize the scene as the boat drew away, with Lakshmana and Sita looking at each other with increasing distance between them. Sita was crying in the greatest of sorrow and Lakshmana could not control his own grief, as finally the chariot bore him away to Ayodhya.
***
॥ श्रीरामजयम् ॥
