Dear prospective Mother-in-law,
Thanks for responding to my tweet so quickly. It just shows how sweet you're, so readily did you respond to my simple tweet:
Wanted Mother-in-Law.No encumbrances on either side, great life-style assured
I will surely come back with a date for a final interview as I have to short-list from the dozens of applications I got already. No worries, be assured you have good chances since I am impressed with your plethora of qualifications.
First of all, let me tell you about myself:
I am a well-paid techie manager in a big corporate in India's silicon and space city. It is also called Allergen and Pothole city because people worldwide are now thinking they can outsource all their requirements of allergens and potholes to our beautiful Kempegowda-ooru.
I don't have the encumbrances of husband, children etc. I have a number of servants who can participate in the Republic Day Parade representing Bengal, Orissa, Bihar, Assam, Coorg and Kerala.
I am a strict vegetarian, as long as it comes to breakfast specials like Idli, Vada and Dosa. By the way I hope you know how to make them as well as I like them. Don't wait for me for dinner as I am a party animal and have my own latch key and biometric scan key installed.
I expect you to do all home shopping, including buying the best organic foods and fanciest vegetables, rubbing shoulders with the multi-cultural shoppers of our neighborhood gated community. By the way the only cooking medium at home will be Extra Virgin Olive oil.
And oh, I forgot. I do have a mini orchid garden and keep three most wonderful dogs who regularly compete in the Lalbagh Dog Show in Scandinavian, Alpine and Exotic breeds. Don't be fooled, one of the fellows doesn't even look like a dog at all, he looks more like a cross between a cat and a mosquito and has no tail and doesn't bark. He just chews up my latest footwear and I have no complaints as I get to buy the latest fashion regularly! I expect you to buy the best English dog food for the threesome. They have their own well furnished kennels.
For all your shopping and entertainment, I will provide you a Platinum Debit Card. You can also use it for online purchases. You will have a nice computer less than 2 years old which I retired when I bought my latest tab/notebook hybrid modelled on a Ferrari.
You will have all the cultural and spiritual freedom you want, and can attend any bhajan group or chanting mela anywhere, our chauffeur will take you by prior arrangement. We can synchronize our vacations, you to Char Dham and me to my Char Dham :) Monaco, Vegas, Hong Kong and Dubai.
I expect, from the tone and tenor of your application, that you are a charming conversationalist and host. We will have garden-side barbecues twice a year, and I get a really swanky crowd. Don't worry, you can have your own separate dinner cooked then if you don't fancy beef, pork, and lots of alcohol. You can retire to your own quarters early if you find us a bit boisterous. You catch your latest soaps on your own separate 42 inch HD Bravia.
Now I know you will ask a question. Why do I need a MiL. I will let you in on a secret. If we hit it off as a great team, we will be able to template our great arrangement and then presto! start an Outsourcing business for Mother-in-Laws! I am sure this outsourcing will do as well as the body-shopping contracts across IT, insurance and banking that Bangalore is famous for.
I expect USD 20 Mil VC soon. Well. That's nothing for the world's greatest Outsourcing idea from the world's oldest land of MiL's.
Why did I put that Bollywood Celebrity photo at the top!? They are a famous MiL&DiL couple and have just no competition...even Draupadi and Sita weren't exactly well known for their MiL success.
Bye for Now...
