Aunty-ji, say my namaste to Chipps Uncle

I heard the word avuncular some years ago. I thought at that time that my younger friend  had used it out of respect. But I have since realised that my friend uses this word often since it sounds good to him and also that it means "uncle-like".

Are you uncle-like? Do you like uncles? Or do you prefer aunties? Or worse, are you Uncle-ji or Aunty-ji to someone? Or to all?

In the great cultural capital of Tamizhnaad, every human being runs the risk of being a Maama or Maami. Depending on who calls you that, it can be a loving address, an indifferent reference to your middle age, or downright an insult.

In the larger diaspora of Indians, worldwide celebrating various occasions constantly with samosas and laddus, EVERY human being worthy of attention and respect is an Uncle-ji or Aunty-ji. Or at least Uncle or Aunty. If you're not in that category, then it means that you are either too young to be taken seriously, or not human enough.

The worst situation arises for someone growing up abroad, stuck in the Indian circuit and yet interacting in environments like offices, universities, and societies outside of the Indian diaspora. You will perforce switch to Uncle and Auntying the moment you are in the cultural zone, and yet you have to quickly switch back to the idiom of gentlemen and ladies and polite addresses shorn of avuncular connections when you are in the company of those not yet privileged to be admitted into the Indian cultural zone. This causes distress and disjointed thoughts to some sensitive souls. A case in point is my niece PhDing and Uncle and Auntying in Cambridge.

She has written that she urgently needs to know when she will see the light at the end of the Uncle and Aunty tunnel. I supply the clarification below as best as a dear Uncle could:

1. The 21st century interpretation of the four Hindu stages of life (applies to all Indians, including Muslim and Christian and Buddhist brethren) is as follows:
• Chaddi or "Everyone is Uncle/Aunty" phase
• Buddy or "I will never be Uncle/ Aunty" phase
• Addi or "Oh No, everyone calls me Uncle/Aunty :(" phase
• Fuddy or "Am I glad everyone around loves me as Uncle/Aunty:)" phase

When you are a buddy, like my niece is, her worst nightmare is to be constantly addressed by pre-teens and precocious youngsters as Aunty when they are bumping into her as she carries her plate of samosa and laddu in a party or is politely telling them off as they pester her with pranks. I am afraid that before my niece knows what's going on, which is in a few years, she will enter the addi phase and notice that 80% of people address her as Aunty or Aunty-ji. From Samosa/laddu shop-keepers to Diwali mela gate staff.

How do you escape the karma of Uncle and Aunty-ism? Escape into a culture-less, alien world of all unmentionable dimensions which are totally miltating against your cultural roots, filled as your pores are with samosas, laddus, uncles and aunties.

To be, or not to be? Hamlet Uncle or Ophelia Aunty?