Surf Excel - your path to progress

This graphic appeared in the Hindu today, with much 'tchey tchey' about how India's topsy turvy priorities focus on giving people 2G/3G smart phones rather than toilets and bum washers. This also reminds me of Shri Jayaram Ramesh raising his voice recently about the need for prioritizing rural hygiene and ecology. All is well said, sir. But Indians have once again proved in the recent elections that they know what to do and what to throw out. Believe me, Indians whether uneducated or unwashed, always make the right choices. Let me give you some examples:

1. In the whole of our Puranas and epics, there is never any mention of hygiene or cleaning. If ever someone went at dawn to the river or the seashore, it was to offer prayers and seek powerful boons.


2. Remember what haalaat befell gopikas going to bathe in the river or bringing water in pots on their heads?


3. Remember Adi Shankara going to bathe in the river? A crocodile caught him.


4. Remember Shakuntala idly running her hand in the river? She lost her wedding ring, the only thing that could remind her kingly spouse that indeed he had got her pregnant.


5. Remember that funny story that made the rounds long back about a village bumpkin left behind by his train as he went to 'commit nuisance' - the entire story is funny because of his lack of mastery of English, not that he went to the open spaces to relieve himself.


6. Now look at Surf Excel, the soap. It is a strong detergent, with chemicals that will pollute rivers and destroy the fertility of our mother earth. On the other hand, if a young man is surfing on his mobile and watching interesting and informative stuff, not only does he become better informed, but will surely make a good impression on anyone around, a young maiden or even a neta. Apart from surfing, if he can also do some excel spreadsheets, it is only a short hop skip and jump to the silicon valley of India. Therefore India needs more of the second Surf+Excel rather than your polluting Surf+Excel. By the way I am equally against Santoor and Shikakai also, because a wise nation does not waste money on cosmetics. Don't believe the thousands of TV ads that show celebrity after celebrity using shampoo, whitening cream or toothpaste.

Nobody really cares, you see. You can start grooming yourself after you acquire the basic weapons of competition- a cell phone, an accent, and an attitude. How well you are washed and clothed underneath is really unimportant, something that you need to bother about after you have climbed the social ladder.
Did you notice a 18% of Indians, rural+urban, don't possess any of the assets listed? I was told by a reliable source that many of these unfortunate brethren are political netas. No wonder that the recent exposé of some interesting browsing in Karnataka assembly by netas showed how some of them had to look over others' shoulders to watch the video. Obviously they belong to the 18% hapless Indians who don't own even cell phones. Naturally we are a long way off from providing latrines and clean drinking water to these people!