First things first. I don't think this is just India's problem. Other cultures, definitely as I have found in literature from the Far East, the major Semitic religions, and Hollywood movies, have depicted in various ways similar issues. But I shall confine myself to India because that's my intent here.
I strongly feel Indian culture and civilization has been unable to develop a viable attitude to man-woman relationships or the role of woman in society. One can argue that the problem exists because of wrong attitudes to man's role. But I feel the issues are much more easy to enumerate about women. Hence this post.
Perhaps we can look at a woman's life in three phases. That of the girl. That of the woman. And finally of the mother.
Girl-Woman
From ancient legends even to the TV soaps of today, it seems a girl grows up to marry and raise a family. She is VERY clearly cut out in India to grow up to be beautiful, well-mannered, artistic, cheerful and finally marry into a worthy family and bring them good luck.
There are stories in Ramayana and Mahabharata where young girls were hot-tempered, intelligent and adventurous. They did not have happy marriages. They had a lot of adventure, but lots of trouble. Take Kunti. As a youngster, she served a sage well and he gave her five boons, to call up Gods to come and give her children.She called Surya, Dharma, Vayu, Indra, and Ashwani twins, and got six children. Her marriage to the human Pandu was ill-fated. The rest is the story of Mahabharata, where her sons had to fight a terrible war to claim their rights.
There is also the story of Draupadi, who was born from fire. She had a swayamvara, her hand was won by Arjuna. But she had to marry and live with five brothers. As if this was not enough, she had to suffer miseries all her life.
I show here a wonderful Raslila Phad painting on cloth. Yes, Radha and gopis were divine lovers of God Krishna. That is the eternal dream of every woman. But it immediately throws us back to this topic of a defective Indian gene, since I feel such a poetic conception could emerge only from our defective genes! Mira, Andal, Akkamahadevi all fit the same mould.
Stories of Sita, Shakuntala, Damayanti, Subhadra, all show that one great way for a woman to progress in life is to marry a man whom you love, but surely that is not a recipe for happy marriage or great motherhood. Because all of them had huge troubles in their lives.
Sita is a wonderful case in point. Her husband was the epitome of righteousness. His brother was also a hero showing great devotion to her. She went to the forest, and when her husband went missing, she couldn't bring herself to trust her brother in law. She thought he was secretly lusting for her! She paid the price, being abducted by a lecherous demon. Her husband went and killed him, but refused to accept her back as his wife unless she went through a trial by fire. Afterwards, he found it inconvenient to have her as the queen since she was not a role model for the home-bound woman. And so on. What a story!!!!!
One can argue that legends highlight exceptional stories to make a point, and the average girl may actually have a great life although she is not interesting enough to be the protagonist in legends. Maybe. I can't argue. But despite some great exceptional stories of Gargi, Maitreyi etc, venerable scholarly Vedic women, I do see a clear pattern that a woman's principal role from girlhood has been depicted in India as one of a home-maker.
There is nothing wrong with that. Even in nature, the female of the tribe raises the family and holds them together. How will the species perpetuate otherwise? But by doing this, the female is clearly defined as for a special role in society.
The problem turns out when you go out and educate girls to become doctors, lawyers, CEO's, journalists, social activists, and career women. How will you now reconcile the changed social circumstances they face with the code, I call it genetic code, that expects them to be only home-makers?
Mother
Inconvenient stories even here. Kunti has to go to elaborate lengths to secure from Karna boons to save her 'legal' children. One can argue that she was punishing Karna's wrong choice of company, but in the first place if she had not abandoned him, he would not have been in such circumstances!
Take Dasharatha's three wives. One is a helpless onlooker when her son is wrongfully sent to the forest. The second is even more helpless since her son follows his elder brother. The third is a young, beautiful woman who uses her hold on her husband to secure boons to help her own son by wronging the eldest, rightful heir to the throne. A case of great calamity due to a mother's miscalculation follows.
What about Krishna's mother Devaki? She was imprisoned just after marriage as her demonic brother heard an oracle that his end would come from her eighth son. Things came about exactly that way, but she lost her first seven new borns to the sword and her eighth son did all his delightful childhood pranks in someone else's home, while she rotted in prison.
A mother is to suffer. However silently. For her son. (No significant stories of daughter).
Now how about how about the Goddess, the ultimate role for a woman?
Goddess
Lakshmi was born during the churning of the ocean by gods and demons. She was extraordinarily beautiful, ready for marriage. She was immediately asked to select a husband. She chose Vishnu, and lived happily ever afterwards. Can't be a role model for anyone really.
Parvathi has been incarnated just to do penance and win Shiva as her husband. Lots of difficulties come in the way, including Shiva burning down Cupid for hinting at reciprocating her love. But after they are happily married, there are many stories of how she did wonderful things, at the instance of her husband. But one story stands out. Ravana comes to Kailas, and instead of asking for Jyotirlinga as a boon from Shiva, lusts after and covets Parvathi. He wants her to marry him. Some hilarious twists happen, until finally Parvathi is safely back with Shiva.
Durga, created by the gods to fight the terrible demons, is all fire and brimstone. The Goddess Durga once (here I quote...) takes form as Ambika, the beautiful Divine Energy. Lured by Her celestial beauty, demons Shumbha and Nishumbha,send a marriage proposal to Her, to which She replies, "Only a man who can defeat Me in war will be accepted by Me as My Husband." There indeed is a terrible war but she kills the demons. This story is enacted in every Durga Puja every year as the Goddess is the eternal saviour. This story clearly identifies the flip flop we have between woman and goddess. A good case of the defective gene. So the conception of the Goddess is merely a therapy for India's defective gene!!!!
But coming to the defective gene, if you read Laitha Sahasranama, the first several verses fully describe the physical beauty of the goddess. The poet is doing the same job as Ravana did when he met Sita alone in the forest (read Valmiki Ramayana). But soon afterwards, this poet shifts gear and says she is so great that Vishnu or Narayana took the ten avataras by emerging from her finger nails. To my impartial reading, the author is simply displaying the Indian defective gene. I mention also Saundarya Lahari as another example.
We flip flop by deifying women to displaying the defective gene. No wonder from saints to bus drivers and police constables, we commit so many atrocities against women. How we treat aged women, poor and abandoned, is another story.
