You’d have read this earlier, but I wanted the precarious fast of Anna Hazare to be ended amicably before embarking on this esoteric discourse.
In short: you will learn here how the entire hair colouring, enhancement, conditioning, management and restoration industry has been taking you for a ride. It’s belly-achingly laughable how people, particularly Indians, dye their hair jet black long into their crows-feet-around-the-eyes years. Overseas people make much fun of this Indian need to have black hair even in one’s denture days. And then of course Harsha Bhogle spent $150K to get a hair weave or something. Every newspaper and TV ad today urges you to get new wavy Aishwarya hair, black or any colour of your choice, and run away into the sunset. I have just learnt how this whole thing is a fraud.
You see, hair is NO indication of youth or life energy. Hair is in fact dead cells! Did you know hair grows even on corpses in their tombs? That is a kind of cell multiplication unconnected with your vital energy. We are therefore focussing on something lifeless and totally undependable. The real substratum of life is the scalp. We should therefore be focussing on scalp therapy.
In a liberated world, shorn of the hair hype and free from corruption (thanks to Jan Lokpal), we would be talking rightly of scalp therapy.
It doesn’t matter that you have less hair, grey hair. Or no hair. You do have a scalp, dammit. And that is the gateway to vital forces. It is even called Brahma Randhra by more erudite yogis.
You should know by now, if you have been reading my blog or such scholarly scribes, that the Kundalini or Élan Vital traverses from the base of your spine to the top of your scalp in seven stages or Chakras. The chakras show where your energy is currently resident, and your final goal is to reach the top. (It’s always so, except in the case of a fire emergency, when you should take the stairs down to the street).
If you place your scalp under an electron microscope, you can actually see, based on the cell pattern, what is the chakra where your energy is staying put.
Muladhara – people waiting at this bus stop have afro hair, uncontrolled passions, and generally undependable behaviour. The microscope will show a lumpy pattern like a dug up road in Bangalore (e.g. near Garuda Mall).
Manipura – as the name suggests, such people have soft, straight hair, and not much beard etc. Their micro pattern is that of a honeycomb-like structure. They make good bow and arrow experts.
Swadhisthana – these are the brylcreemed CEO types. They are very status conscious. Women of this type frequently change their hair colour and styling. As such they are vainglorious. Micro pattern like a dollar sign.
Anahata – These are the romantics. They have a lock hanging in the front, and have a far-away look. Often they have to push the hair back to see where they are heading or what they are eating. The micropattern is a heart sign.
Vishuddha – these types are generally thin on top or balding. They have peaky craniums and behave as if they know best. They have booming voices. The micro type is that of a microphone.
Ajna – these guys are generally the politician or guru or fasting activist types. They have bald heads and long flowing grey beards (politicians are clean shaven because they shave up all the time). Micro patten is that of an open palm.
Sahasrara – this is the final type. This micro pattern is lotus shaped. Buddha and such have this style. It is beyond afro/vain locks/bald types. Once you are in that scalp stage, the gateway is going to open soon. Such people don’t bother with hair therapy so they are not a target market.
I just heard Baba Indiyogam is launching a whole range of scalp therapy products. Perhaps he is collaborating with the Japanese water expert who said that if you coo words like “I love you” to a bottle of mineral water, the water’s crystalline structure will become beautiful. Check out Emoto.
