It is reliably learnt that Facebook and its rivals are furiously engaging with sixth-sense exponents, telepathy technologists, yogic gyanis, transcendalists, mediums and séanse specialists in a secret project to create the world’s next WhatsApp. Its code name is After-life WhatsApp.
After-life WhatsApp is a simple idea. Since human beings are likely to almost completely give up face-to-face verbal conversation and replace it entirely with WhatsApp, we need to understand what is happening. You see, WhatsApp is not only a fabulous cost- and data-efficient, text-voice-audio-video-chat-document-photo-sharing app. it allows conferencing, spamming and general senseless Emoji chat. This is about a millennium ahead of boring verbal chat. Since it is instantaneous and global, one can ping someone on the other side of the earth about a Ben Stokes sixer in a jiffy even while using the toilet. This breakthrough in communication is as revolutionary as the invention of the wheel or the telephone or television or computers.
But there is a limitation. The word to introduce here is guilt. When one receives invites to functions and parties, but misses them. Or when one forgets occasions to greet someone. WhatsApp is the easiest way to wipe off that guilt by simply whatsapping that person with some excuse and regret and a couple of emojis. Remember this travels round the world in a second and so you get much relief from guilt. But. There is a big BUT.
What about the dead? Near ones, dear ones, and those to whom we owe our lives but didn’t show any gratitude? And what if you have missed doing important things with them and saying the truly important things to them in life’s crucial moments? How do you deal with that guilt?
Simple. With the After-life WhatsApp, you can instantly connect with all your kindred spirits and souls across millennia instantly. They will also read your messages and reply. This unprecedented connectivity among a billion billion living and dead souls will be a Game-Changer.
There is of course understandable resistance from the Church, religious leaders and meditation experts and all kinds of quacks. They all get lots of people now as clients showing remorse, regret and guilt. They have unfinished business with the dead and want to find a way to reach those souls. That business will surely go bust now. What with After-life WhatsApp. It is cheap, secure, insanely fast and unimaginably versatile. Time and space disappear with this app.
Wait. You may ask if we have any right to go after dead people who have moved on, with After-life WhatsApp. You can say it is anti-social behaviour. Inconsiderate. Ugly. But I ask you. Can a dead man be ever de-addicted so easily from WhatsApp? Can he, or she as it may be, having used/abused WhatsApp even on their last day, mindlessly forwarding stuff, typing till their fingers hurt, stuff like, “I hate her” “I simply looove those shoes” “C’mon, you’re jealous” “let me show you my new Lamborghini” and so on give it up? They will cringe and beg the Lord above for After-life Whatsapp.
Look out for its beta release very soon! And invest your top dollar in what’s the future of communication!
