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Why did Rama break Shiva's Bow?

The year is 2014. The scion of the first family has been anointed as the new PM. But all is not well. BJP is clamouring, with renewed support from the people, that Rama's temple should be built and Ramrajya should be ushered in. The opposition is taking pot shots at the young PM saying he does not represent the true spirit of India and has no knowledge of Indian scriptures.

The young PM decides to bone up quickly on Indian epics and starts reading Amar Chitra Katha Ramayana. (highly recommended).

When he comes to the chapter of Swayamvara, a quaint story where Rama weds Sita after breaking Shiva's bow, he is intrigued. How come Rama won the maiden's hand when he just broke a bow rather than show his mastery of it by stringing it and shooting an arrow? After all, Arjuna (another Amar Chitra Katha) actually won Draupadi's hand by shooting the fish yantra by merely seeing its reflection. And then there was one more episode where Buddha (Siddhartha then) won his bride by shooting an arrow through seven saal trees. So Rama looks a bit clumsy or what?

He quickly summons his core cabinet and asks them to explain the significance of the story. He gets many sagely answers:

• Defence Minister : Since Rama already had a powerful bow and sacred arrows bestowed by Vishwamitra, he just didn't want extra baggage. And like the US Forces rountinely destroy armament so it doesn't fall into enemy hands, Rama broke the bow.
• Culture Minister : Well, that is only partly true. The actual reason is that Ravana, being a Shiva bhakta, could always do some penance standing on one finger or such and then Shiva would have been forced to grant him the bow, which would make Ravana truly invincible. So better to break it before Ravana gets some ideas.
• Telecom Minister : We Dravidians think Rama did something hasty. The bow could have been used for advanced telecom technologies, given that it had the biggest vibration spectrum in all creation. But Rama, like Subramanya Swamy, basically destroyed a means to Indian telecom modernisation.
• Science and Technology Minister : the story is actually proof that Vedic people had a mastery of all advanced software techniques. The bow represented an encryption technique, and Rama basically broke the code, not the actual bow. That is how he became so powerful.
• Space Minister : We have to remember that all scientific experiments have some initial setbacks, like the early missiles we launched. Rama broke Shiva's bow, but the second time, when he was tested with Vishnu's bow by Parashurama, he was able to string it. That means we should get an adequate budget for the space programme.
• Russian Expert : It is a design fault in the bow. The materials testing employed was not very advanced. That is why we have significantly improved the technology in Kudankulam and our reactor is unbreakable.
• The President Dr Kalam has the final say. He says, "Rama should have read the operator manual. That shows education is important for the future generations of India."

Surf Excel - your path to progress

This graphic appeared in the Hindu today, with much 'tchey tchey' about how India's topsy turvy priorities focus on giving people 2G/3G smart phones rather than toilets and bum washers. This also reminds me of Shri Jayaram Ramesh raising his voice recently about the need for prioritizing rural hygiene and ecology. All is well said, sir. But Indians have once again proved in the recent elections that they know what to do and what to throw out. Believe me, Indians whether uneducated or unwashed, always make the right choices. Let me give you some examples:

1. In the whole of our Puranas and epics, there is never any mention of hygiene or cleaning. If ever someone went at dawn to the river or the seashore, it was to offer prayers and seek powerful boons.


2. Remember what haalaat befell gopikas going to bathe in the river or bringing water in pots on their heads?


3. Remember Adi Shankara going to bathe in the river? A crocodile caught him.


4. Remember Shakuntala idly running her hand in the river? She lost her wedding ring, the only thing that could remind her kingly spouse that indeed he had got her pregnant.


5. Remember that funny story that made the rounds long back about a village bumpkin left behind by his train as he went to 'commit nuisance' - the entire story is funny because of his lack of mastery of English, not that he went to the open spaces to relieve himself.


6. Now look at Surf Excel, the soap. It is a strong detergent, with chemicals that will pollute rivers and destroy the fertility of our mother earth. On the other hand, if a young man is surfing on his mobile and watching interesting and informative stuff, not only does he become better informed, but will surely make a good impression on anyone around, a young maiden or even a neta. Apart from surfing, if he can also do some excel spreadsheets, it is only a short hop skip and jump to the silicon valley of India. Therefore India needs more of the second Surf+Excel rather than your polluting Surf+Excel. By the way I am equally against Santoor and Shikakai also, because a wise nation does not waste money on cosmetics. Don't believe the thousands of TV ads that show celebrity after celebrity using shampoo, whitening cream or toothpaste.

Nobody really cares, you see. You can start grooming yourself after you acquire the basic weapons of competition- a cell phone, an accent, and an attitude. How well you are washed and clothed underneath is really unimportant, something that you need to bother about after you have climbed the social ladder.
Did you notice a 18% of Indians, rural+urban, don't possess any of the assets listed? I was told by a reliable source that many of these unfortunate brethren are political netas. No wonder that the recent exposé of some interesting browsing in Karnataka assembly by netas showed how some of them had to look over others' shoulders to watch the video. Obviously they belong to the 18% hapless Indians who don't own even cell phones. Naturally we are a long way off from providing latrines and clean drinking water to these people!